discipline

scheduled for 8 miles tonight. Again, fear & loathing... and a tad bit of excitement.

Many of you have mentioned, and I can completely empathize with, the boredom about "I ran this many miles today in this many minutes." So for those, please allow me to clarify:

My Numeric obsession comes from competition. I will be running this marathon with my brother. He is Adonnis, and I am the exec cum yoga teacher. My brother has been physically stronger than me my whole life. From age 10 on, we wrestled and fought for many hours each day. Traditionally we met every summer at the family beach house, and continued this battle. In fact, this past summer was the *first* summer that I returned home with nary a broken bone in my body. Yes, we fight that hard. And yes, it is all in good fun... with a little bit of alchohol added for danger, natch.

So numbers are the primary way that my brother and I encourage each other on this journey towards the marathon. I send him my last run, he sends me his last run, and we generally try to one-up each other... which makes for fairly good and aggressive training. All of it is in the interest of maximizing our joy, and minimizing our pain, on race day.

Its also in the interest of communication. Because in between all those numbers, we speak to eachother about our lives... and that is something that has been sorely lacking in our relationship for years and years and years. I can honestly say that since we've signed up for the marathon, I've communicated to my brother more frequently and more honestly than I have in 10 years... and if miles are the agent of this bonding, then I am in celebration of them.

Finally, I want to note that, until I ran 15+ miles the other day, I had an on and off doubt that I might not be physically capable of completing the race as a runner (I don't care to walk a marathon... already got that merit badge, on the Appalachian Trail in 2009, thanks). So the miles are like... what, waypoints along the road to winning... where in this case, winning = completion on my own terms.

So when you see numbers, equate them to realisations and epiphanies.... and as with any good athlete, the better you get, the harder you have to push it to get to those wonderful thresholds of joy and pain and insight. So what I used to receive in 5 miles, now I have to run 11 to get it.

All that said, from now on I will really try to communicate my mental and emotional journeys more than the miles. Cause we all know, come October 31, I'm running 26.2 miles, and accomplishing something that I've been aching to do for more than 10 years. And every number up to there, is well, just moving meditation. 

xo,
G